so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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