All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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