Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
