Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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