dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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