Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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