I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
