all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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