you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
