dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
