I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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