see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize