he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
