I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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