imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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