I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
