Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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