you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize