The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
