she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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