best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
