I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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