Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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