It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
