Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
