you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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