I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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