Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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