She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
