Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
