Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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