tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
