you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
