Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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