Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
