Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
