too bad you live with your parents still
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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