Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
