I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize