Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
