I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
