and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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