Need sex. Gaining weight.
now i know why i became what i already was.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
