i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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