He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize