he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
