i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
