we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
