The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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