Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
