Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
