Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
