We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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