If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
