Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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