on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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