He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
