Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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