No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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