am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
