VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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