My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
