I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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