Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
