we have pet lesbian snakes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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