please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ruined the universe
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
